You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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