Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
