My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I bet he comes in French.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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