go do what you do best...puke behind churches
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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