And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
