i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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