I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
