I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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