Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and she was petting her beer can
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
