Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
4 words: hood of his car
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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