So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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