he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My hand turned me down
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
