I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
