I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
