Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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