Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
