what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
