I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
