think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
