atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
