He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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