to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
