My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's rum buckets o'clock
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
