We got so high we made milksteak
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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