Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
