i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
