Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
