did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
