I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
