man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
