Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
