He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
