he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to calm my uterus...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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