I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
