Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
