white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
