then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
even my farts smell like vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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