Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
