Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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