break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you had me at cake vodka
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
