if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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