So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
