drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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