I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
