omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you win again, gameday.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
