i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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