Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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