There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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