my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
