all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
