So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she peed on how many people?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
